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A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.!) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or. Then last Thursday, I had eight strokes in the morning for maths and eight in the afternoon for English but I was also late because I tried to hide away from everyone and Mr. Eccles said he would have me caned in front of the whole school during assembly the next morning. They hinted that if the caning didn’t produce a result, I’d be sent to the whipping hall.???That was when you decided to end your life????I’d thought about it a lot during the previous week because I just couldn’t stand the continuous pain. It hurt to walk, it hurt to sit and I couldn’t sleep and there didn’t seem to be an end to it. I couldn’t go on and there wasn’t anyone willing to help so I did the only thing I could think of to end the pain for good. In earlier days, before the change, I’ve stood on the bridge over the Carney and watched the water run swiftly under it and then out to sea and thought it would be the easiest place for me to end my suffering. I waited until I couldn’t see any one else in sight,.
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